tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50430384334339893342024-03-13T21:03:13.874-07:00No MoreLia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.comBlogger160125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-73075465426778515102020-12-31T11:55:00.002-08:002020-12-31T11:55:21.035-08:00Bye 2020 - Hello Twenty Twenty Won!<p>What a year, a world-wide pandemic, COVID-19; not over yet, but hopefully it will be so in 2021.</p><p>I cannot say enough, I am glad this year is over.</p>Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-83266547208912206832020-12-25T13:36:00.008-08:002020-12-25T13:36:57.006-08:00Merry Christmas!<p>Very unusual, Christmas this year, for all of us, given the pandemic. Spending the day with just my husband and me, different, but not bad.</p><p>Presents are not the focus of this year; family and friends are, reaching out and letting them know how much they mean to us is important. That is exactly what I have been doing for a while now; today even more so. </p><p>And my present to myself, not drinking today.</p><p>Merry Christmas Everyone!</p>Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-30351306861900884982020-12-13T07:38:00.004-08:002020-12-13T07:39:40.336-08:00Five Weeks and 12 days to Christmas!<p>I started 2020, not drinking; COVID hit, world changed and I took up drinking, again.</p><p>I am going to end 2020, not drinking; COVID still around, and I stopped drinking, again.</p><p>All I can say, is try, try, again.</p><p>Christmas will be different this year. Not just for me, but for the world. I am going to make merry anyway. For the 12 days before Christmas, I am giving myself permission to eat anything I want. Better than drowning my sorrows in booze.</p><p><br /></p>Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-18449816710416705132020-11-26T08:56:00.003-08:002020-11-26T08:56:34.533-08:00Thankful<p>Today is Thanksgiving in the US; the start to the holiday season. Given the pandemic, it is not going to be the typical gathering of family and friends, which is sad. However, I am grateful those around me, family and friends, have not been hit with the virus. We are all well. I am sad for those who have been affected by this awful virus, whether by contacting it and/or having loved ones pass; losing jobs and connections with people, etc. It's been a tough year.</p><p>I have great hopes for the near future. I haven't given into the "end of the world" mentality of it all. I believe, "this too shall pass". I am hopeful for better times to come. Until then, I have many things to be thankful for, too many to list here, but the one I will share is <b>18 days without a drink!</b></p><p>That is something to be greatly, thankful for today.</p>Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-19847547808810842022020-11-16T19:17:00.002-08:002020-11-16T19:17:10.024-08:00Week Two<p> Mondays are, well...</p><p>Anyway, it was a productive day. And it was a day where I questioned, why?</p><p>Why stop drinking?</p><p>I know why.</p><p>But still, the thoughts through my head went there.</p><p>It was bound to creep up, the thoughts of why, why, why...</p><p>Tomorrow is another day. A new day.</p>Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-57598244201198031912020-11-14T19:52:00.005-08:002020-11-14T19:54:56.220-08:00So far, doing well.<p> It's Saturday night, just before 8pm.</p><p>I got through the weekend! Given the time right now, and that I ate dinner, I know no cravings will rear up for the rest of the evening.</p><p>Today was a good day. My husband and I went to one of our local beaches and had lunch. When my husband ordered a beer, I didn't get too jumpy. As I've written in the past, my husband can order the one beer and that's it. I knew one beer wasn't worth crying about, at least this time I felt that way. The rest of the day we ran errands then came home. </p><p>Tomorrow, I made plans to get up early to visit my sister. My mom is going to meet us there. It will be another good, nice day. I haven't been able to hang out with them as much as I'd like, given the times. When we are together, the time flies. As Sunday's are all day football games (here in the US) my husband enjoys his time watching football without me!</p><p>It has been a very, long while since I have strung together 6 days without drinking.</p><p>So far, so good. </p>Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-48357183695934400442020-11-09T09:50:00.002-08:002020-11-09T09:50:51.039-08:00Once Again<p> Here I go, giving it another shot. </p><p>The years are sliding by, and I am still drinking, not making it to stay sober.</p><p>I won't give up till I die.</p><p>I do not need to drink. </p><p>I do not want to drink.</p><p>I need to hold on to that feeling when the time will get tough.</p><p>Here I go again. </p>Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-40638476261462317472020-11-07T10:20:00.006-08:002020-11-07T10:20:41.655-08:00It has finally been called, the 46th President of the United States of America is Joseph Biden!<p> So many new, good beginnings to come!</p>Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-84874277193106732622020-11-04T17:36:00.003-08:002020-11-04T17:36:36.651-08:00Fingers Crossed - Waiting to know who will be our next US President<p> It's been 9 months since I posted.</p><p>Yes, I did begin drinking again, after my January post.</p><p>Then COVID-19 hit, and I began to drink more.</p><p>Why?</p><p>All kinds of reasons, but staying at home, going no where, not having to get up to go to work (I am one of the lucky ones to work from home) and just plain boredom, all contributed to drinking more.</p><p>I think of giving birth to a new attitude at this point, I am ready to give it another go.</p><p>This time, I have a coach who will help me (you could say a sober sponsor). Someone I respect. Someone who has been there and done that with this sober ride. </p><p>The candidate I want to win for president, is almost there! I see it as a sign. There is a power pulling for the right thing to happen; I think it may be the same for me!</p><p>It is good to be back on track. </p>Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-21277135308331409652020-01-17T18:20:00.002-08:002020-01-17T18:20:59.494-08:00Day 60 - Friday NightFriday night and I'm doing okay. <br />
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In a bit, I'll have a cup of hot chocolate and enjoy a movie and/or read. <br />
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Simple things are nice.<br />
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Another day down.Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-22852609196307124092020-01-11T11:26:00.000-08:002020-01-11T19:09:03.037-08:00Day 55 - Trauma & PainI am finding it hard to stay strong and not drink. In the past three years, I've tried numerous times to stop for good. To never drink again. There have been more post then I care to admit, where I've written with enthusiasm not wanting to drink, and the reasons why. And I meant it; but when I wrote the majority of those post, I didn't write what I really felt at the time, which was the endless struggle of wanting to drink. I felt if I wrote about the struggle, I would be focusing on the wrong thing. Of course, there are post where I touched on the struggle, but minimally. I thought, keep on the positive only, my mind will click along the way, and I won't want to drink ever again. But it didn't work, and I kept falling off the path, thus here I am AGAIN.<br />
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Last night, I was so close to having red wine with dinner. Then I thought of the comment I made on Claire47's blog, how what she experienced and shared was instrumental for me to make it another day. How could I write this and then drink? I made it home and jumped onto the computer to read more blogs, testimonies, etc. and came across a link about a discussion of addiction. It's on YouTube, and I wish I had saved the link, but I am sure if you search, you can find it. Gabor Mate was the speaker and "is a Hungarian-born Canadian physician. He has a background in family practice and a special interest in childhood development and trauma, and in their potential lifelong impacts on physical and mental health..." (description taken from Wikipedia).<br />
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Gabor is a very calm, quiet speaker and his perspective on addiction was transforming for me. He says all addictions stem from childhood trauma, which cause pain that isn't processed and thus the search for numbing the inherit pain we hold from childhood. I cannot do it justice to recap his talk, but as I watched, I was transfixed by a number of things. The main point for me, is I was traumatized in many ways, father leaving mother when I was six (I'm the oldest of 5; and we were all born within a 4-1/2 year span, twins in there), not enough money for food and basics thus going on welfare, moving every year to find a cheaper place to live, and being sexually abused a number of times since the age of 5. Of the five of us, I am the only one to have graduated from high school and college. I am the only one to have a "average, normal" adult life, whatever that means, but my alcohol addition was always my "hidden, bad" problem, which I didn't want my family to know about. However, as time passed, it became evident to those close to me. Needless to say, it explains so much about why all my siblings have struggled ever more so with drugs and alcohol and other behaviors, given our background. In the last 10 years, my siblings and mom have shared the "ugly" truth" about the sexual abuse within our family. I don't want to go into the details here, but it happened to all of us to one degree or another. Why I share this here, is I thought in my twenties I had let all those experiences go; I never thought how poor we were, but it explains why I am so controlling with money, saving it, etc. I never thought "not" having a father around was an issue growing up, but I expect this is why my husbands had to be with me all the time, trust issues. I never thought I was sexually inept, but I don't like intimate kissing (the best part I know) yet I can do all else?? Another kicker, my first husband was physically and mentally abusive. The anger issues I learned from this first marriage were daunting. There are more examples, but you get the picture. And honestly, I never thought how I drank could stem from all this trauma and pain. I thought I was plain old weak minded, and couldn't control myself with alcohol.<br />
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Now I get it; the why. Since I turned 50, there have been a number of areas I've worked on with myself. I had one year of group therapy to deal with my anger issues. I have learned to trust my husband and encourage him to do things on his own (however, he wants to be with me constantly, go figure). I have been seeking spiritual renewal through a number of ways. I'm trying not to see money as something to not hoard, but to use as a tool and to share (this is a harder one, but I am working on it). Lastly, I'm letting go of any and all shame and guilt I may still harbor from my early life, because it's in the past. My past doesn't need to hold me down, this I know.<br />
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Maybe, now, I won't struggle as hard with not drinking.<br />
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<br />Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-91181564751182273172020-01-06T09:22:00.000-08:002020-01-06T09:22:00.305-08:00Day 50 - A Good NumberI never thought I'd say or write this, but Monday is my favorite day, now.<br />
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Weekends are still challenging, as that's when everyone gravitates towards alcohol. <br />
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I get it.<br />
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But now I see Monday as a new start, a new beginning, and hopefully, as each week passes, I'm getting better. Not just with "not drinking" but with life in general.<br />
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Yeah for Mondays!!Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-26366667741237402242020-01-04T21:06:00.001-08:002020-01-04T21:06:25.125-08:00Day 48 - Almost Caved In!Today I went to Disneyland with my husband, and a couple we are good friends with. We spent the whole day out, starting with a nice breakfast, getting inside Disneyland, leaving Disneyland to go outside to Downtown Disney, an area of shops, restaurants, bars, to have lunch. My husband and our male friend ordered beers, and when I didn't order one, our friend asked me why not? Before I could answer, my husband told him I hadn't drank in a long while. Our friend was a bit surprised, said that was a good thing and didn't make anything of the fact. However, when they ordered another round, our friend said how good the beer was and why not have one. My husband handed me his beer and said taste it, and I did. For a split second, I said to myself, one beer, just one. Then something clicked inside my mind. I told myself don't give up! I drank two big glasses of water instead.<br />
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It's that easy to fall down.<br />
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But I didn't.<br />
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Because we were with our friends, I didn't say anything to my husband at the time, but once we got home, I told him don't offer me any alcohol. My husband's thinks I am okay to drink once in a while. He thinks I've improved with how I used to drink in the past. And I have, to a degree in these last couple years, but there were still times when I over did it. He knows this, but he keeps wishing I could control how I drink. I wished this for a long time myself.<br />
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But my wish never came true.<br />
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That's why I have to hold steady; I have to let go of wishing for what can't be.<br />
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It's hard.Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-5400988429316058062020-01-01T10:31:00.004-08:002020-01-01T10:34:13.745-08:00Happy New Year!My New Year's Eve was uneventful. I have been nursing a cold for the past few days, and yesterday I went to bed by 5pm. I woke up at midnight, as the fireworks, gun shots (yes gun shots) and people whopping it up in my neighborhood woke me up! I was up for five minutes, and fell back to sleep.<br />
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I woke up late this morning, thinking how flat New Year's Eve was, feeling a little sorry for myself. Since Christmas, I've been fighting the urge to have a drink. I haven't wanted to get drunk, just a drink or two, enjoy the feeling then move on...but I keep playing it through my head, knowing I could trigger wanting to drink the day or night away. I do not want to go backwards.<br />
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As I was getting my morning started, by mom called to wish me a Happy New Year. I could tell she was distracted, as her chit chatting was off. She then said my sister was there and would I like to speak with her, and of course I wanted to say hi. Once my sister got on the phone, I knew something had happened. Turns out, my sister had started drinking at 11am New Year's Eve, when later in the day, her husband told her to stop or get out. So my sister left, and yes she should not have gotten in the car with having been drinking, but she did. She ended at a friend's house, close to where my mom lives, and eventually came to my mom's at 6am. My mom could tell my sister had drank, given the condition she was in, and this disappointed my mom very much. My sister was sad, guilt shamed and hurt by what she had done, running away, driving drunk, going to someone's house drinking more, then landing at my mom's this morning. I know this behavior. As my sister said, she only wanted to drink so much, have a good time, ring in the New Year, etc., but that one extra drink made her toss all the good intentions out the window and she made bad decisions instead. My sister is feeling very low, and I don't want her to feel this way. The only way not to feel what she's feeling is to not drink. I know this very well to be the truth. I've been in my sister's shoes too many times to count. I cannot control what my sister does, all I can do is be here for her and lead by example in this area of drinking alcohol. Christmas Eve, she overdid it as well, but at least she didn't get in a car and possibly make matters worse. I asked my sister if she is falling into another loop of drinking too much, too many times, etc. She said, as it was Christmas and New Year's Eve, she was celebrating. I get it, wasn't I feeling the same way?<br />
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I am here for my sister, whenever she wants to give up drinking; until then, all I can do is pray and hope she will come to wanting to quit sooner, rather than later.<br />
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As for me, I am not feeling so great, but I am at peace. Hearing my sister's grief, enforced I am doing the right thing for myself. It's not easy. In fact, it's getting harder in a way, which I know has to do with my frame of mind about it all. But all it takes, is one day at a time, and I'll get to a better place soon.<br />
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Happy New Year everyone! 45 days down, not too bad for the start of 2020.Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-70710226778439521292019-12-25T15:57:00.001-08:002019-12-25T15:57:54.366-08:00Day 38 - Merry ChristmasMay your Christmas be merry and bright!<br />
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And sober!!Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-4977669182608122112019-12-19T18:37:00.003-08:002019-12-19T18:37:35.419-08:0032 Days - Office Christmas PartyToday was my company's Christmas party. It has become a low keyed affair, given the last few years the company hasn't done very well. I've been there almost seven years. The first three Christmas parties were alcohol infused events; at one of them, I drank too much to where I needed a ride home. Times have changed. I drank Perrier and watermelon juice. Lots of it! I did not miss having a Margarita at all! There were only 15 people, and half drank, but not much. We had some games to play, did a white elephant gift exchange, ate, and had a nice time together. When I left, I felt good. In the past, I would have started drinking at noon, and kept up through the night. Here it is 6:30 p.m., ready to relax, read maybe, then hit the sack by 8:30.<br />
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It's still early days yet, and I know there will be times where I will struggle. For now, today, I did not.<br />
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:-)Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-58149898067010623522019-12-16T09:52:00.002-08:002019-12-17T07:49:50.415-08:00Day 28 - 28 DaysFour weeks down, and I'm feeling just okay. I am in limbo. Why?<br />
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Because of the amount of cheer around me which is alcohol related! All holiday parties I have been invited too, Christmas lunches, work festive events, and Sunday football gatherings all have alcohol as the central part of the event. I've managed to navigate around this season by not attending as many events as I could have, staying for short periods of time, and pretending I don't miss drinking!<br />
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But I do.<br />
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I've tried all sorts of things to take my mind off wanting to drink. Getting up early, taking long walks, reading, meeting up with the few people I know who do not drink, etc. Even window shopping, which I don't really like to do!<br />
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One thing which I'm doing, which I'm enjoying, but I feel a bit guilt about, is watching excessive amounts of movies, You Tube videos and Netflix. I have prided myself on being one of those who rarely watched anything. I thought it made me more productive to do other things, instead of sitting in front of a T.V. screen; but I realized a lot of the others things I did do, all involved drinking. Not always to a bad degree by any means, but drinking none-the-less.<br />
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And I miss some of those times.<br />
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I decided this weekend to watch, read, and/or listen to nothing but sober (or getting sober) related things. And I came across the movie 28 Days, with Sandra Bullock. I like Sandra Bullock movies. I had seen this movie before, but did not recall all the details. As I watched, I kept thinking, I was never that bad, never...however, there were glimpses of myself in her character. While I've never been to rehab, some of the truths she came to realized hit home with me. At the end of the movie, she holds strong to stay the course, not giving in to the trap she was finally getting out of.<br />
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Of course it's only a movie, but so many truths of beating the addiction were there. I know to get to the other side, it takes work, effort, and a belief things will get better. A few fellow bloggers have repeatedly told me it's true; I believe them, I do.<br />
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However, I need to accept those times for what they were, some good, some bad, but all done with.<br />
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Today I am another day closer to getting to the other side of limbo. I am not in despair. I am well. I want to keep going, to see the days build up. I want to embrace this journey as an adventure with excitement, like I did four weeks ago.<br />
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I will soon! I believe. I believe. I do.Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-52861119313996030792019-12-12T15:51:00.001-08:002019-12-14T06:17:44.432-08:00Day 25 - Great Thoughts<br />
I don't express myself as much on my blog as others do on theirs, and that's okay. Sometimes, less can be more, so I leave you with a few quotes which sum up how I'm feeling now.<br />
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"Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong." - Mandy Hale<br />
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"True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don't need to regulary escape from." - Brianna West<br />
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If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time." - Edith Wharton<em style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1b2d3f; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></em>
<em style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #1b2d3f; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></em><br />
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<br />Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-31765867439346002752019-12-07T18:37:00.003-08:002019-12-07T18:37:38.970-08:00Day 20 - Not As Easy As I Had Hoped It Would BeSaturday night, just after 6pm, after a long, eventful day and I want to have a drink. Really, a few drinks. I won't have them, but I want them. I do not physically crave them, it's more the thought of the flow of the alcohol hitting my blood stream and changing my mindset, relaxing me. I miss that feeling. I do.<br />
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What is so hard is thinking these thoughts. I try not to; I try to keep busy; I allow myself sweets; I leave and do things, and it all helps, but those thoughts are still there. I know from all I read of those who have broken this cycle, it is time which will make these thoughts become less and less, until they are no more.<br />
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I have made it 30, 35, 60 and almost a 100 day stretches at a time with no drinking. Shit, I can honestly say I've had more non-drinking days, than drinking days in the last two years; and I have felt better for it, no doubt. But when I started this blog, the point was to drink No More.<br />
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I don't want to give up now, not this time. I want to beat my record at least!<br />
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I can hold on for one more day. <br />
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I know, tomorrow morning, I will be okay.<br />
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<br />Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-41632043124937590172019-12-04T10:56:00.001-08:002019-12-04T10:56:22.625-08:00Day 17 - RainIt's raining very hard here in Southern California. I love it! If only I could be at home for the next 50 days, in weather like this, reading, crafting, eating good hot soups/stews, and resting away, maybe I'd wake up free of any desires to drink alcohol. Like a caterpillar, waking to a butterfly.<br />
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Wouldn't that be lovely?Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-49545913701009684192019-12-02T17:52:00.001-08:002019-12-02T17:52:04.208-08:00Day 15 - A Little WobblyMade it through the Thanksgiving holidays with <b>NO</b> drinking!! Only one day, last Friday, did I get down because I wanted to drink. I told myself it was no big deal, the itch/urge would pass and it did.<br />
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I keep re-reading back over my blog, to all those entries where I said how awful I felt, how I needed to get sober for good, how alcohol was no good for me and the reasons why and <b>YET</b> I still miss drinking. I simply don't want to not miss it anymore.<br />
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I know (okay, for now, I'm hoping) that day will come, if I hold-on to not giving into drinking now.<br />
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One thing I know for sure, tomorrow is another new day. Tomorrow I may miss drinking just a little less than today. Tomorrow I may get my groove back. <br />
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<br />Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-2593757346344714902019-11-28T08:12:00.001-08:002019-11-28T08:12:20.128-08:00Day 11 - ThanksgivingIt's early here, just before 8am and it is raining hard. I've been up for awhile listing to it raining, feeling the beauty of it, as it cleanses the earth. How I wish I had an internal washing away of the thoughts to drink. Someday, they will no longer call; for now, I have to hold on to the belief that it will stop. And it will.<br />
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Today is Thanksgiving in the US; time to be with family and friends, to be grateful and giving to all. In a way, it's sad, because the focus of this day should be on everyday, not just today, but that's another issue altogether. I am grateful and thankful for all I have in my life, the good, bad and ugly. So for all those in the US who maybe reading this, have a wonderful Thanksgiving day!<br />
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For those outside the US, those reading and sharing my story/journey, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! Your support is more than appreciated; it's what true Thanksgiving means.<br />
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Now I am off to get ready for the day. I hope I don't get a turkey/mash potato/pumpkin pie hangover tomorrow!!Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-4915894520757193762019-11-26T12:45:00.003-08:002019-11-26T12:45:49.316-08:00Day 9 - Self-TalkI made it through the weekend!<br />
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Trying again, I realized I needed to change my frame of mind. I needed to stop thinking about why I can't drink, and think about why I don't want to drink. Of course I've known this all along, but this time it's sinking into my brain; it's working!!<br />
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I need to think/focus on the things I gain by not drinking. Better sleep, clearer skin, no empty calories consumed, no hangovers, no blackouts, etc., but mainly, no shame and/or guilt. <br />
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I want peace, more than I want to have that sweet spot of alcohol influence daze. Understand, if I could have that dazed/buzzed/good feeling without harm to my body/brain/soul, I would continue drinking. It doesn't work that way, as we all know.<br />
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This time around will be different. Not easier, but with a new frame of thinking "IT IS WORTH IT"!<br />
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<br />Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-39030706845184215592019-11-22T08:15:00.002-08:002019-11-22T08:15:17.206-08:00Day 5 - Breakfast of ChampionsStart of the fifth day, knowing I won't drink today. I have no doubts. Today I will be free of alcohol.<br />
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With that being said, I decided as I was doing so well (for me) I would treat myself to a doughnut. As I hadn't eaten breakfast yet, I also decided to eat 10 pieces of chicken nuggets from Burger King. I ordered a coffee, black. To top it off, I needed a packet of honey mustard sauce to dip the nuggets before munching away. Oh, and I didn't stop with one doughnut, I always bought six doughnut holes, 3 glazed and 3 with sprinkles. I do not feel guilty about this one bit.<br />
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There are far worse things I could put in my body, and we all know what I'm referring to.<br />
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I feel good!Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5043038433433989334.post-29898055153487369842019-11-20T15:31:00.003-08:002019-11-20T15:31:35.486-08:00ChallengesToday at work, there was a celebration for a co-worker who hit the 20 year mark! We all went to lunch; cocktails where ordered along with lunch. I didn't feel antsy or uncomfortable not ordering a drink, and decided on a mock-tail. Cranberry juice with soda water and some other ingredient. Slice of line added to the lip of the glass. It was a very good drink, but not something I would pay for myself. How this drink could be $7, I'll never know, but when the company picks up the tab, well...<br />
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The event was nice, beside the one drink, no one ordered another. I knew no one would, because when we've gone out like this for lunch, one drink is the maximum anyone orders. Right thing to do, really, as going back to work, who wants to be buzzed? Well, not true, I'm sure a few would have liked to get buzz, but the stigma of drinking too much at lunch is now the norm. <br />
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Anyway, on our way back to work, I was talking away, joking, and someone said, "what was in your drink?", and I smiled and said, "double shot of cranberry juice". Everyone laughed; I thought, really, I'm seem a "little too happy"? <br />
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Well, image what another mock-tail would have done!<br />
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Day 3 almost over, and I feeling very happy indeed!Lia Leonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13211861233662358798noreply@blogger.com3