Thursday, November 22, 2018

Thanksgiving

I'm thankful for being alive, well, and happy.

I'm haven't been alcohol free since my last post, but I've been back on track, drinking way less and not in excess.  Small steps, but steps in the right direction.

May all of you who celebrate the USA holiday, be well, content and at peace.

I am.

Monday, November 12, 2018

Signs

Well, I'm getting there, since my last post, I have drank some beer, not much.  As SamK wrote, just pick a day and start again.  I thought that day was Sunday, November 4th.  I wanted to be fresh for my 22nd wedding anniversary, on November 9th.  All my plans to "not" drink were in order, then my mother-in-law broke her other hip on Monday, November 5th.  As my husband is her only child, he's always running to help her in these situation.  In the last 8 years, she has broken her back, left wrist, right foot, right hip (which she broke in June of this year), stent and pace maker implant, and now her left hip brake.  She lives 2 1/2 hours from us, and it's hard to commute back and forth, but we do it.  The relationship with his mom is a tough one, a whole story in itself, but needless to say, it flows over to us.  However, this time, we were both in sync.  As she broke her hip before, we knew what to expect and how to handle.  So after a few days with her, we were on our way back home.  She lives in Palm Springs, and we were driving on the 10 freeway hoping to beat the work home traffic, when I saw a billboard with the message, "Sobriety is the Priority".  It was a sign from my higher power, God saying, don't let this situation be an excuse to wait to start again.

May the sings continue to show up!!


Saturday, November 3, 2018

Struggling

I have not gotten back on track with NOT drinking.

I am struggling. 

I haven't given up wanting to be sober.  I've just been in denial thinking drinking here and there is fine.  It's not.  I have fallen back to old habits which are self-destructive. 

It's time to TRY again.  I did so well the first half of this year, and it was good.  I know it can be good again.

“Some of the most beautiful things we have in life comes from our mistakes.” 
― Surgeo Bell

Friday, September 7, 2018

Good, better than Bad, but not Great

Odd title for this blog post today, I know, but that's about how I feel at the moment.  It's about how I've felt since coming back from visiting my daughter in Germany.  A little melancholy, lonely, unfilled, blah.  I don't write often on the drama going on in my life here in this blog, because I wanted to keep the focus on my sober journey.  But life happens, with its ups and downs, and it contributes to my efforts of staying sober.  I'm not drinking to excess at all, but I have had a few beers here and there.  I did drink wine once, three glasses and I felt bad.  I didn't get drunk, nor do anything stupid or ugly, but as wine was (is) my worse enemy, I let myself down by drinking it.  Even my husband, who I've written about being less than enthusiastic about this journey I'm on, said I worked so hard to get away from the wine, that why do it now?  He thinks the beer drinking here and there is fine, because it doesn't affect me the same way a bottle of wine does, that's another story in itself, but he's right about the wine, why bother?  I realize I'm writing this because it could tip me to start drinking more and more, when what I want to do was stop.  There's a little more than 100 days left in the year.  I want to finish the year off with no drinking, then I'll worry about 2019. 

It's time to readjust my mind set and move forward once again!  Wish me luck.

Thursday, August 23, 2018

56

Recently returned from my vacation in Germany and I feel great!  My daughter married a man in the British army, and he's stationed in Gutersloh, Germany.  Beautiful place.  I hadn't seen my daughter since November last year.  I enjoyed all that we did together, traveling to Hamburg, Kolin, Frankfurt, and Holland.  I turned 56 during this trip and I'm planning for this year in my life to be even better than my 55th year!

Did I drink on this trip?  Yes.  But not to excess, nor every day.  I'm going to finish this month with little drinking, if any.  September I plan to not drink at all.  In fact, seeing Groundhog Girl, Ginger, back blogging, has inspired me to step up my game.  If I don't drink the rest of the year, it will be something!

Welcome back Ginger.  I missed you.

Saturday, August 4, 2018

190

I have 190 days alcohol free this year!  I meant to never drink again, and that may be the case further down the road, but for now, I'm content, at peace, and at a better place then I was two years ago.  I won't pretend I've conquered the addition of alcohol, because there have been times, where the switch "turns on" and there no stopping the next drink.  Knowing this keeps me on my toes.  At times, I sometimes think of myself as a failure, because I have drank this year, but I'm in control of my thoughts.  I'm not a failure, I'm a work in progress!  And yes, less is more!!

Monday, July 23, 2018

Doing Well

July has been so HOT here in southern California.  Our air conditioning broke two days ago, and here I sit waiting for the technician to finish installing a whole new system, a multi thousand dollar job.  But you know what, it's all good.  I have an emergency fund for things like this, I've prepared.  Of course I wish I didn't have to spend money on this kind of stuff, but life happens. I'm lucky, really, because I will have nice cool air soon.  I can't wait.

So on the drinking front, I have to say, I've enjoyed beer this month.  I don't feel bad about it, as I haven't drank to numb or chase things away from my life.  It's just been so good, a few cold beers, well a couple times I drank 5 beers, but through out an afternoon and evening.  It been six times I've drank this month, and I may drink one more time this month, as the our local, chili cook-off is this weekend.  Will I go back to daily drinking, wine being the beast it's been to me?  I don't think so.  My mind set is different, I'm content, grateful, appreciative and at peace with myself.  I know this may backfire on me, and I'm taking a chance going backwards, I am taking a big risk, but I am happy.

I have this blog to keep me on my toes, only for myself.  Staying honest about this whole journey is important.  I was in such a ugly, bad place three years ago, when I first came across the blog world, looking for help.  Now, I feel so much better where I am at, I don't want to go back to where I was three years ago.

So, I shall keep trying, less drinking days next month for sure.