Day 4

It's the last day of the month.  The past four days have been full, good-filled days, with work and home life.  I'm starting to get into the Christmas spirit, putting up decorations, buying a few gifts, thinking of the upcoming events and parties.  As I wrote, I've not stayed alcohol free since I began to drink back in August.  I'm better, not so desperate because I have changed my habit of drinking, but I had a bad slip on September 30th and I don't want to repeat that again. 

The best way not to, "don't drink".  May I follow that simple advice.

Thanksgiving

I made it through the Thanksgiving holiday without causing too much damage with alcohol.  I did drink, but nothing over-the-top, no drama, no issues and no hangovers.  I still can't get back on the sober track because I make excuses that nothing bad is happening from drinking, but it's a slippery slope, I know.

Today should be day 1, again.

Sparks

I’m not 100% sober, but I’m much better now than I was when I started my journey to stop the madness. November 2015 is when I stumbled across Mummy was a Secret Drinker’s blog, from there, I found other wonderful bloggers dealing with the issues of alcohol (or on paths of soberity), Wendy, Michelle, Anne, Hurrah for Coffee, PDTG, and so many more…this led me to start my own blog this past June. Of course, it was started the day after a horrible evening of drinking to excess.  Blogging has and is helping me to deal with my drinking problem.

I don’t want to be caught up in the nightmare cycle of drinking to excess.  But I know even moderate drinking, for me, can/does trip into indulgence. I know it’s the addiction.  The only solution is to not drink at all.  And this is what I’m fighting myself with at this time.  I know I’ve turned a corner.  I know I can do this, it’s a matter of sticking with it and not letting temptation call.  With that being said, reading blogs helps so very much.  Michelle at givingupdrugsandalcohol.blogspot.com wrote an empowering post recently, which struck a chord with me.  As long as I’m honest with myself and others about my drinking (or anything really), I can face the problem.

It’s sparks like these, which help me to get closer to my goal.  

Thank you Michelle; I don’t want to drink.  

Roller Coaster

I'm still doing okay; haven't drank much, manage three, four day stretches without drinking, but then...well you know.  Haven't gotten drunk, over-the-top, or blackouts since the last episode on September 30th.  The goal is still to be alcohol free.

On a separate note, I've been dealing with separation anxiety, as my only biological daughter is moving to Germany in a few days.  She married a very nice guy who is in the British military, who happens to be stationed in Germany.  She married him last December.  Their romance was a whirlwind affair.  I still can’t believe it at times, but the bottom line, she’s moving far, far away from me.  We are very close.  I’m having a hard time with her leaving.  I know she’ll be fine.  She’s an adult.  She’s bright and capable.  And with modern technology, we can stay in touch in all kinds of ways.  But not getting to see her in person, hug her…it’s saddens me. 

And lastly, today is my 21^st wedding anniversary.  I don’t write much about my husband, but he’s a great guy.  This is our second marriage for both and we are so fortunate to have found each other when we did!

Actually, I'm better then okay.  I’m loved.