Feeling Even Better!

I've made the 30 day challenge with Habit!  Except for a couple days there, overall, it wasn't too hard of a fight not to drink.  There's no doubt it's better not drinking to excess, drinking every day, or drinking just for the hell of it (meaning to get blitz), no doubt at all.

In the past two years, I've completed a few long stretches of not drinking. A lot of times drinking only one or two drinks at a time and days between with no drinks. This has resent my behavior with alcohol for the better.  But I do have a ways to go, and I'm moving in the right direction.

However, drinking occasionally and responsibly has it's allure for me.  I'm going to enjoy this upcoming Memorial weekend with some drinks.  Then jump back on the horse for another long ride with no alcohol.  I shared my story with a neighbor, she's a young lady in her early 30's, and she wants to join my next "dry spell", until her 4th of July party.  I'm looking forward to the next stretch with this new buddy (Habit will always be my first #1), as she lives right across the street! 

I didn't think moderation was something I could do.  But, I think changing my frame of mind, and working on many different areas in my life has help me to get to this place.  I don't mean to say this is the way for everyone.  I still admire those who have gone 100% sober.  I know it's a positive. 

Moderation, for me, for now, works.  And if it doesn't (I hate jinxing myself), I'll write about it here to keep it real.

Feeling Much Better

Oh how the emotions change day-by-day at times.

I feel great!  I know, right?  That's life, which is how it has and always will be: up, down, around, straight, and sometimes backwards.  As long as I live that's just the way it goes.

After I wrote my previous post, I reached out to my sober buddy and she helped me get through those feelings.  She reminded me how well I've done overall, regardless of not being 100% sober since I've started this blog.  And she's right.  I am better. 

I will continue to get better!

Feeling Disappointed

My 30 day challenge is almost over.  Today is day 26; and while I've done pretty well with not having cravings or fighting myself about "not drinking", these past two days, I did.  My personal and work lives are challenging at the moment, but not to where I'm really over-whelmed.  Or am I?  Whatever is going on right now, has affected my feelings about drinking.  Then again, maybe seeing my husband come home, open his two cans of beer and pour it into a beer glass has me jealous?  It didn't last week.

All I know is I want to drink.  Not to get drunk.  But if I drink, it's a chance I take, because I know I can (and have) drank too much even when the intent was not to.

My sober buddy has been there for me, and this has been crucial to keeping on the straight and narrow.  It's day 31, well day 35 (a Friday, the start to Memorial weekend) I'm worrying about.

I'm disappointed in myself.  I know many people have been at these crossroads.  From reading, I know the ones who kept the strength to not drink, have shared how wonderful, great, fantastic, etc. it is to be sober 100%.  I believe them. 

I'm fighting myself and for what?

Tomorrow is another day.  Tomorrow I will feel different. 

Today, I know I will not drink.

That is a good thing.

21 - Happy Mother's Day

Good Morning Everyone!

I am off to visit the mother-in-law today.  A two hour drive to get there, but I'm fresh and ready to go.

Yesterday, I spent all day with my mother (sister came along for morning part of the day) and had a great time.  My mom is the best (all mothers really are, well some exceptions are out there). 

My gift to myself (my three children all live far away, but I did receive the Happy Mother's Day shout outs, etc.) is not drinking for another day.  The best gift I could give myself right now!

Be happy, smile, and know someone loves you (even if it's yourself, as you are someone)!

15 Days

I made it through a mini get-a-way with no alcohol!  Well, actually, I did take two tastes of beer.  My hubby and me left Friday morning to Kernville, and stayed in a lovely room by the Kern river!  This is one of our favorites places to visit.  The mountain air, small city square and the beauty of the river always makes us relax and unwind. There's a brewery there we like, which we have visited many times, that sells a beer called Isabella Blonde.  I love the taste of this beer.  Of course, we went there and my husband order a glass of Isabella and I a root beer.  My husband turned to me and said the beer tasted "off".  He told the woman who served him the beer something wasn't right about the taste and she tasted it and said it was fine.  My hubby said to me, "please taste it", you'll see what I mean, so I did.  And it wasn't good.  Something was off about it, and the bartender said no problem to change it out.  My husband ordered something we never tried before.  He said it was very good, but stronger than Isabella.  He said, "taste it", and I thought, a taste can't hurt me.  And you know what, it didn't!  I personally didn't like this new beer taste compared to Isabella.  I figured, "the powers that be" made sure my favorite beer wasn't going to tempt me, and therefore, Isabella ended up flat on the ground, so to speak. 

Today, on our way back home, my husband said it didn't seem like a big deal I didn't drink.  He said it seemed easy for me not drinking. I won't say it was easy, but he's right, it wasn't too bad at all!

Fifteen days down, half-way to my 30 day challenge with my sober buddy!

The Sweet Spot

In the past two years, in addition to trying to get 100% sober, I have been exploring other areas of enlightenment/self-improvement for myself.  Turning 50, it hit me, I was on the down side of my life; meaning, I had lived longer than I was going to live until I died.  Accidents aside, given the statistics, I can live another 30+ years.  Of course, how I take care of myself is a big part of equation.  Not only my physical self, but my mind and spirit as well.

I have always known eating right and exercising are an important key to a healthy life.
I am not religious, was raised a token Catholic, however, I do believe there's a higher power.
I know education broadens one's horizons.
I know hard work pays off in results.
I know spending less than you earn, will help you save money.
I know being kind, caring and loving is key to connecting with people.

I know...etc.

But even knowing all the above, I've grappled with feelings of inadequacies because I haven't (and still don't) follow the best course of action for a perfect life. Then it finally dawned on me.  I will never have a perfect life.  NEVER.  I can, however, have a rich, rewarding, wondrous and full life just being ordinary, just being me.  The best me, I can be.  And so as I venture down paths of self-knowledge, I have to remember, it's okay to stumble, make mistakes, fall down. I just have to remember to get back up and move forward towards a better life.

As for drinking, well, it has it's sweet spot, one drink a day for women (men get to have two).  I haven't been able to keep it to one drink (occasionally yes, but rarely).  So, knowing this, I should not drink period.  I'm still working on this one.  Day 11.