It's early Sunday morning and I've been up since 6:30 a.m. I'm going to a watermelon festival in the San Fernando Valley, which is about a hour and half drive from where I live. This is something I've never done, or would have thought to do while I was drinking. Sunday mornings were ALWAYS for sleeping in after a night of drinking. But now that I haven't drank in eight Saturdays straight, I find I'm doing things I never thought of doing. As most know, mornings are now the time to have fun, as the evenings are still challenging. I associate night time fun with drinking involved, so it's still hard to face the evenings, but that's okay, because it should get better.
So I'm off to discover what one does at a watermelon festival, besides eat watermelon. And of course, I plan to eat a lot of watermelon! Better than drinking a lot of booze.
Here's to another day without drinking!
Sunday, July 30, 2017
Friday, July 21, 2017
Patience
I don't seem to have much patience with anything these days, especially not drinking. I have been told to hold strong, with time this "no drinking" will be easier to handle, but it's seems to be getting harder to stay the course. I thought it would get a little easier day, by day, but it's getting harder. I know I can't drink because I don't know how (nor do I think) to handle it. I always slip up and drink way too much and all the ugly feelings start. I don't want that, I don't.
I just wish I had patience to wait for the "desire" to go away. All I can do is believe, have faith, that it will be worth it somewhere down the road.
Day 48
I just wish I had patience to wait for the "desire" to go away. All I can do is believe, have faith, that it will be worth it somewhere down the road.
Day 48
Friday, July 14, 2017
40 Days
Today is 40 days, 40 days from the last drink(s) I had. I won't say, "I can't believe it" because I do, it's been hard work getting here. So I decided to see if there was something on the web which spoke to 40 days being significant and I found this article (still not sure how to post a link):
THE BLOG
Good article, but I'm not there yet, what is wrong with me?
I do feel better, I haven't had any hangovers, my mornings are the best and I sleep pretty well. But I still miss drinking. I do.
However, I'm not giving up.
THE BLOG
40 Days To Change Your Life
Good article, but I'm not there yet, what is wrong with me?
I do feel better, I haven't had any hangovers, my mornings are the best and I sleep pretty well. But I still miss drinking. I do.
However, I'm not giving up.
Saturday, July 8, 2017
34 Days
My fourth weekend without drinking. I read a few blogs religiously on this subject of recovery. It can take quite of a bit time doing so, but it's what is giving me strength to hold on. Belle, whom I'm sure many of you know or heard of on the soberverse, sends me emails daily. Sometimes I respond, most times I just read and absorb the message. Today I responded to her question on relapse and if it helps to make one stronger to getting sober for REAL.
Day 34; I'm still fighting the urges, cravings and self-talk from my A.D. (alcohol demo) saying, "I can drink for today and start this sober path tomorrow." I've been here plenty of times, so I know giving up now will get me nowhere, but it took a few, hundred, times trying to be where I'm at now. So I'm on the fence about the whole relapse/recovery issue. It sucks big time trying to get to the other side of the road, but I'm trusting the many who've done it, that it's worth it. It takes time to get there, but sometimes accidents happen, and hopefully you get back up and cross the road.
Otherwise, you could end up being a hit and run, DOA and I don't want that to happen to me. A bit dramatic I know, but you know what I mean.
Mummy was a Secret Drinker has a much better analogy to crossing the road, it's titled, The Obstacle Course. Very good read; if only I was computer literate, I would post a link, but I'm not there yet. :-(
As I wrote in a previous post, the longest stretch sober in the past 10+ years was 37 days. Here's to day 38! I think for sure I'll get there. Then I'll worry about the next two days to 40. Teenie, weenie, baby steps...
Day 34; I'm still fighting the urges, cravings and self-talk from my A.D. (alcohol demo) saying, "I can drink for today and start this sober path tomorrow." I've been here plenty of times, so I know giving up now will get me nowhere, but it took a few, hundred, times trying to be where I'm at now. So I'm on the fence about the whole relapse/recovery issue. It sucks big time trying to get to the other side of the road, but I'm trusting the many who've done it, that it's worth it. It takes time to get there, but sometimes accidents happen, and hopefully you get back up and cross the road.
Otherwise, you could end up being a hit and run, DOA and I don't want that to happen to me. A bit dramatic I know, but you know what I mean.
Mummy was a Secret Drinker has a much better analogy to crossing the road, it's titled, The Obstacle Course. Very good read; if only I was computer literate, I would post a link, but I'm not there yet. :-(
As I wrote in a previous post, the longest stretch sober in the past 10+ years was 37 days. Here's to day 38! I think for sure I'll get there. Then I'll worry about the next two days to 40. Teenie, weenie, baby steps...
Tuesday, July 4, 2017
4th of July - the 241st anniversary of America's independence
To all you Americans out there, Happy 4th of July! The whole country is celebrating this day, with BBQs, park/beach visits, parades, all kinds of activities and, of course, a lot of drinking to go along with the festivities. When I decided to give this sober ride another chance, I didn't think about today. All I thought at the time was, "please let me get through this day not drinking."
Well, I've made it a whole 30 days without an alcoholic beverage of any kind! For which I am grateful! So today, in addition to celebrating our country's independence, I'm celebrating my independence from alcohol. I know I have a long way to go, but I'm determine to make this stick.
And so I leave you with a quote by Harry S. Truman, 33rd President of the United States:
"America was not built on fear. America was built on courage, on imagination and an unbeatable determination to do the job at hand."
Well, I've made it a whole 30 days without an alcoholic beverage of any kind! For which I am grateful! So today, in addition to celebrating our country's independence, I'm celebrating my independence from alcohol. I know I have a long way to go, but I'm determine to make this stick.
And so I leave you with a quote by Harry S. Truman, 33rd President of the United States:
"America was not built on fear. America was built on courage, on imagination and an unbeatable determination to do the job at hand."
Sunday, July 2, 2017
No one said it was going to be easy...
Yesterday was a very trying day for me. My husband wanted to go out for lunch at one of our favorite places by the beach. The evening before, I went to a bachelorette party, where there was lots of wine, but I didn't drink. I even ended up having a very good time, dancing the night away! So I thought, well, I can handle having a club soda, while my husband has his couple beers, no problem. Wrong. I was melancholy, seeing everyone at the brewery, having drinks, talking, laughing away, and I was sitting there wanting a beer so badly. I don't get it? The night before, I had no problems with everyone drinking around me, so why now? My husband said, "If you're going to be like this, just have a couple glasses of wine! Life is too short, live a little!" I couldn't believe it! He knows I have a problem, but since I've managed to curb my outlandish behavior when drinking for the past year or so, he thinks I not that bad anymore.
He doesn't get it. While I've managed more times in the last year to drink responsibly, there were still many times where I did not. I've wished I could moderate at all times, but I cannot. I know this, and he knows this too. When he told me to have a glass of wine, I almost craved in, but instead, I welled up with tears and told him, "This is very hard for me. I don't want to be here." So he said, "let's go into the other section, get away from the bar and have lunch." Him saying that, realizing my agony, gave me a burst of strength. I decided I could stay there, eat my lunch and be okay. And I did.
We came home and the rest of the day was fine. I was okay. I did not drink.
I got up very early this morning (the best perk of not drinking), cleaned out the refrigerador, finished two loads of laundry and played a few rounds of Candy Crush. Very productive morning. However, a surprised happened to me, I started my period! I've been going through the change and my last period had been a few months back. It may explain why I was so sad yesterday, but I think this is a sign. A good sign. I'm saying goodbye to my old self. I'm moving into a better place. I am.
No one said it was going to be easy, but nothing ever is that's worth it...right?
p.s. 28 years ago, my beautiful daughter was born; Happy Birthday to my mija!
He doesn't get it. While I've managed more times in the last year to drink responsibly, there were still many times where I did not. I've wished I could moderate at all times, but I cannot. I know this, and he knows this too. When he told me to have a glass of wine, I almost craved in, but instead, I welled up with tears and told him, "This is very hard for me. I don't want to be here." So he said, "let's go into the other section, get away from the bar and have lunch." Him saying that, realizing my agony, gave me a burst of strength. I decided I could stay there, eat my lunch and be okay. And I did.
We came home and the rest of the day was fine. I was okay. I did not drink.
I got up very early this morning (the best perk of not drinking), cleaned out the refrigerador, finished two loads of laundry and played a few rounds of Candy Crush. Very productive morning. However, a surprised happened to me, I started my period! I've been going through the change and my last period had been a few months back. It may explain why I was so sad yesterday, but I think this is a sign. A good sign. I'm saying goodbye to my old self. I'm moving into a better place. I am.
No one said it was going to be easy, but nothing ever is that's worth it...right?
p.s. 28 years ago, my beautiful daughter was born; Happy Birthday to my mija!
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