It's Saturday night, I'm drinking a few beers. Since Memorial weekend, I've been drinking here and there, with a couple times drinking way too much. I can't say why I give in to drinking, when I know it's bad for me. I know from all my readings, my brain is wired to want more, and more, when I do drink. I start off drinking, enjoying the subtle change to my mind set, but then, at times, I go too far. My story/experience is nothing new, it's the story of many.
Tonight is the last time I plan to drink. If the stars align, it will be the last time ever.
I've been here before, in the last two years, where I'm giving it my best shot to give up drinking for good. I haven't managed to quit since I started blogging two years ago, but I have managed to rein it in significantly. One of the positive outcome from blogging, sharing my story, reaching out to others, and being honest with myself, of my problem, is the change in my mind-set.
I have made progress with the way I used to drink. I haven't given up hope one day I will never drink, alcohol, again. And while I've not reached my goal, while I've beaten myself up about it, while I've struggled to stay strong, I've not given up trying.
As Marcus Aurelius said- "The things you think about determine the quality of your mind. The soul becomes dyed with color of its thoughts."
I keep thinking, I keep believing, I keep trying, I will never, ever drink again.
