No Secrets

My week's vacation in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico was a great time! Even though the weather was very hot and humid, the city was a beautiful place to visit.  The ocean and jungle were just magnificent.   On my actual birthday, 8/17, I went on a boat ride to a jungled area, to see a show and have a romantic dinner afterwards.  I enjoyed myself tremendously!  It went by so fast, too fast.

But I'm back to reality and I have to be honest, I did drink on vacation.  Of the seven days I was there, I drank five days.  Mostly I drank plain Margarita's or Strawberry Daiquiris, in fact, I drank about 3 to 4 per day.  These drinks were not the kind to knock you on your socks, they were more soft drinks, I didn't get drunk on the days I drank them.  However, I did decide to buy a bottle of wine one evening, while my husband bought the local beer.  Why?  Because I had opened the doors by drinking the other drinks, I felt the urge to have a "proper" drink.  One which would flood my bloodstream and make me feel "alcohol."  Yes, I wanted to get buzzed, not drunk, just....but we know how that goes.  I count a bottle of wine as four glasses, and I had thought I would drink 2 or 3 as I watched the sunset on our balcony.  Well, after the third glass, my mind switched to "just finish" the bottle, what the hell! And of course, after that, I was all for just one more, but there was no more to be found.  So what did I do, I had a beer.  Thank the stars, or whatever, but at that point, our bathroom sink backed up!  Long story as to how that came about, but the point was, we had to deal with the hotel staff to attend to the situation, and it was near midnight.  Of course I couldn't keep drinking, but had the problem not occurred I would have finished what beer my husband hadn't.  The same old pattern, thinking I can control my drinking, but I can't.  Needless to say, the next day, I had a hangover.  Thank goodness this happened only one day on the vacation, but granted one day too many.

When I got back home, I told myself not to feel shame, to chalk it up to lessons learned.  Someone I email with regarding my sober journey, told me to appreciate what I had accomplished, the long stretch I went without drinking.  And there's truth there, but I am disappointed in my laspe.  I don't want to go back to what I was, drinking every day, too much, and being miserable more times then I care to remember.  And I believe I won't.

I'm back on track.  This time I feel stronger in my resolve to not drink.  The Margaritas and Daiquiris were nothing more than sugary filled drinks, and really, I could drink those "virgin" and enjoy them. I know now, I can drink alcohol, but I don't want to.  I didn't miss out having fun by being sober.  Not a bit.

Here's to the next long stretch!  May it be for the rest of my life!!