Curve Balls

I have no urges, desires, or cravings for alcohol, at least not at this moment. 

I feel positive, upbeat, and confident I’ll make the 30 days sober. 

Then, as I wrote prior, I’ll worry about staying sober longer.

I have my sober buddy, Habit, working along with me on this one! 

I have a lot to think about; a lot going on in my life right now, which doesn’t need the interference of drinking.

My step-father (who was really more of a dad to me than my real one) passed away unexpectedly March 18^th.  Since then, I’ve been helping my mother navigate all the trappings which come with death.

There has been, and continues to be so much to do.  My mother depended on my step-dad for everything, and now she’s needs to relearn to be independent.  I’m the oldest and she respects my opinions. 

I love her and would do anything for her, but it’s getting to be a bit more than I expected, in terms of time and commitment, but I’ll get through it.

I have a brother who lived outside of California, for the past 20+ years, and came back last October.  He’s homeless and lives in a shelter.  Because of his background (not a very good one) and the choices he’s made, my mother, sister and I will not let him live with us.  Too complicated to explain here, but it doesn’t mean we don’t love him.  I live an hour away from my mom and sister.  My brother staying at a shelter, which is 20 minutes away from me, means I’ve become the go-to person for him.  He’s found a part-time job, maintains having a phone, and bought a 30 day bus pass to get around.  However, there have been plenty of times where he’s been stuck at midnight, no buses available to pick him up.  Gotten sick and needs help with over-the-counter meds, etc.  My husband has been supportive of my helping my brother, but to a degree.  I have to say, I’ve drank less because of this situation, only because I never know when my brother will call for help.  In a way, this is a blessing in disguise. 

Just last week, my husband went on Workman’s Compensation, due to a compression fracture in his back.  This was totally unexpected to me.  He had hurt himself at work two months ago, and was working through the pain.  He was seeing a chiropractor, getting massages, going to the gym to soak in the Jacuzzi, resting on weekends, getting better, which he said he was, and so I thought.  But then he had an MRI, and it showed he has a compression fracture.  Everything I’ve read about it, says it can heal, with rest and time, but my husband took it as a “death” sentence!  Everything my husband is reading is turning him into an invalid.  I told him I don’t get it.  He was feeling better, working through his pain, and then he gets the MRI results and it’s a whole different ball game.  I’m trying to understand.  I need to be sympathetic, caring and kind, but it’s hard.  Needless to say, this is going to affect our finances in a way I wasn’t expecting.  Fortunately, we have savings, so I tell myself not to worry on that front.

Lastly, this past weekend, me and my husband went to visit his mother, she’s 86, who lives two hours away from us.  She’s had a very hard time in the past year, breaking both hips and needing full-time help.  My husband and her have always had a love/hate relationship.  They love each other, but don’t really like each other.  They get into so many arguments about so many things, it’s exhausting being around these two at times.  I get along with her well enough, because I don’t rock the boat.  I just listen to her, agree with her, etc.  There’s no point in fighting with her.  Anyway, the caretaker told us she plans to leave her employment in two, three months at most, and thinks it’s time “we” move in to take care of my husband’s mom.  My mother-in-law is well off.  She had a beautiful home with room enough for us to live there.  My husband is her only child.  Years ago, I told my husband we could take care of her when the time was needed.  I lied.  I don’t want to take care of her.  It’s too hard.  I’ll crack.  My mother-in-law will not consider to move with us, and she says she won’t go in a home.  So I have to break it to her we won’t be moving in with her.  It’s going to be drama.

I’m okay.  I will get through all this, all while staying sober. 

As has been written, “what doesn’t kill me, will only make me stronger”! 

I hope so.