Failure

I don't post as often as when I started this blog two years ago, mainly, because I haven't been able to quit drinking for good.  When I read back to some of my earlier post, the sentiments and feelings are the same, so why repeat them again.

I'm feeling sorry for myself.  I'm my own worse enemy in this battle to get sober.  For a while, I was content to know I got better with my alcohol problem, meaning, I was drinking less, not as frequent, etc.  All true; but I've flat-lined into a place of steady drinking.

I may not drink for two/three days, then drink a few beers, then after two weeks, I crack that bottle of wine and all bets are off.  If I compare myself to others, I can justify my problem isn't so bad.  Of course, this has kept me where I'm at now.  However, "the problem" drinking too much, is still "the problem."

The problem won't go away until I no longer drink, EVER!

I know I haven't exhausted all avenues of help.  I've not gone to an AA meeting since last year sometime.  I haven't told everyone I know, I have a severe alcohol problem.  I haven't tried checking into an out-patient type service.  Knowing all this, only contributes to my sense of failure to get sober.

I so wanted to be like a number of people in the blog sphere, getting sober on their own.
Then telling everyone, "I did it!".

I not going to give into this failure.  I'm getting ready to start AGAIN.  Fellow bloggers, "S is for",
Putting Down the Drink", and "Tipsy no More" have repeatedly said, "never give up, giving up". How I hold on to those words.

Lastly, my sober buddy, "Habit", is helping me, even if it doesn't seem like I'm making progress.

No one said it would be easy.  But many have said it would be the best thing ever.  I believe it.

I feel a bit better.