Year Two - Until I'm Broken

I've been trying years to stop drinking.  I started blogging in 2016 and gained some momentum, but haven't been able to quit 100%.  I'm going to give it another shot, starting Monday, November 18th.  It is such a joke, waiting for another weekend to pass before trying again, but that is the way of an addictive mind.  I feel ready this time.  I know it will be a challenge, but it can be done.

I was feeling really good there for awhile.  I had reached my 30 day challenge with my sober buddy back in late April.  I continued for a couple more days with no drink, when I decided (unwisely) to drink for Memorial weekend.  The goal was to enjoy some drinks, here and there, and start another long stretch of no drinking come Monday, May 27th.

The ugly details, I drank a whole bottle of wine on an empty stomach that Friday night, within two and a half hours, before heading out to dinner.  All I remember of the evening, is sitting at the table looking down at another glass of wine.  The next morning, before the sun even came up, my husband asked if I remembered the evening.  Oh know, here we go..."no".  He asked, "how do you feel?"  I didn't have a hangover, but I felt sluggish and stiff.  He then said, go look at yourself in the mirror.  As soon as he said that, I felt my forehead and felt the bump.  I decided to go back to sleep.  I didn't want to confront myself by going to look at myself in the mirror.  At 10 am, I opened my eyes and decided to go face the mirror.  What I saw wasn't pretty.  I had blacked out at dinner.  My husband said I was drunk and slurring my words, but I ate and managed to get to the truck to go home.  Once in the garage, as I was getting out of the truck, I fell and smacked my head/face into the garage floor.  I had bruises and a cut nose.  It wasn't a pretty site.  I had never done something like this to myself before (well, not to this degree), AND I SWORE, no more drinking EVER.

Haven't managed that, started drinking a month later, but I've not had horrible episodes, blackouts, hangovers or early morning wake-up jitters from drinking too much.  I've drank less than more, have had good stretches in between, and I'm rarely drinking at home.

It's gotten easier, to forgo drinking, for the sake of drinking to zone out.  I know it's a slippery slope.  I know people who may read this will think "it's a joke" I even have the nerve to write this, but that's okay.  The only nagging bit, I told my girlfriend, whose son is dealing with liver cancer, I would take her message to heart, "just don't drink."  I haven't.  Her son passed 10 days ago.

A new sober buddy, Jim @ Life Beyond Booze, asked me to give it another shot, and would support me with some additional side help.  When he asked, I jumped right on the offer.  Why didn't I start right away?  Daughter was coming from Germany to visit for a couple weeks, and I knew I would drink.  So I decided when she left, I would start.

I'm feeling stronger about it this time. So here I go again.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!