Four weeks down, and I'm feeling just okay. I am in limbo. Why?
Because of the amount of cheer around me which is alcohol related! All holiday parties I have been invited too, Christmas lunches, work festive events, and Sunday football gatherings all have alcohol as the central part of the event. I've managed to navigate around this season by not attending as many events as I could have, staying for short periods of time, and pretending I don't miss drinking!
But I do.
I've tried all sorts of things to take my mind off wanting to drink. Getting up early, taking long walks, reading, meeting up with the few people I know who do not drink, etc. Even window shopping, which I don't really like to do!
One thing which I'm doing, which I'm enjoying, but I feel a bit guilt about, is watching excessive amounts of movies, You Tube videos and Netflix. I have prided myself on being one of those who rarely watched anything. I thought it made me more productive to do other things, instead of sitting in front of a T.V. screen; but I realized a lot of the others things I did do, all involved drinking. Not always to a bad degree by any means, but drinking none-the-less.
And I miss some of those times.
I decided this weekend to watch, read, and/or listen to nothing but sober (or getting sober) related things. And I came across the movie 28 Days, with Sandra Bullock. I like Sandra Bullock movies. I had seen this movie before, but did not recall all the details. As I watched, I kept thinking, I was never that bad, never...however, there were glimpses of myself in her character. While I've never been to rehab, some of the truths she came to realized hit home with me. At the end of the movie, she holds strong to stay the course, not giving in to the trap she was finally getting out of.
Of course it's only a movie, but so many truths of beating the addiction were there. I know to get to the other side, it takes work, effort, and a belief things will get better. A few fellow bloggers have repeatedly told me it's true; I believe them, I do.
However, I need to accept those times for what they were, some good, some bad, but all done with.
Today I am another day closer to getting to the other side of limbo. I am not in despair. I am well. I want to keep going, to see the days build up. I want to embrace this journey as an adventure with excitement, like I did four weeks ago.
I will soon! I believe. I believe. I do.
When I first started thinking about getting sober, I read something I didn’t like. A woman who got sober said, “Life is different.”
ReplyDeleteNow I understand.
Most of us had very fun drinking times, along with some not so fun times.
Alcohol really does relax us, so even when I go to parties, etc, it’s still different.
And that’s ok!
Because nothing stays the same anyway.
This is a hard season to get and stay sober, but sounds as if you are doing it.
The positive changes came slowly for me, as I got more time and practice.
Big hugs,
Wendy
So true, "nothing stays the same anyway", and my feelings reflect minute-by-minute for sure! Big hugs back at you Wendy! xo, Lia
DeleteWell done for getting through 28 days. This time of year is not easy, as even non-drinkers will buy some in for Christmas and adverts abound with it. Distraction is a good technique and anything that takes your mind away from alcohol will be a bonus.
ReplyDeleteThanks Addy! One day it won't be so hard to be distracted from thinking about drinking, but during this time it's hard, especially as I decided to give this another try at this time! I figured, if I can get through the rest of the year sober, the beginning of next year will be a piece of cake. Or so I tell myself.
Delete