Day 48 - Almost Caved In!

Today I went to Disneyland with my husband, and a couple we are good friends with.  We spent the whole day out, starting with a nice breakfast, getting inside Disneyland, leaving Disneyland to go outside to Downtown Disney, an area of shops, restaurants, bars, to have lunch.  My husband and our male friend ordered beers, and when I didn't order one, our friend asked me why not? Before I could answer, my husband told him I hadn't drank in a long while. Our friend was a bit surprised, said that was a good thing and didn't make anything of the fact. However, when they ordered another round, our friend said how good the beer was and why not have one. My husband handed me his beer and said taste it, and I did. For a split second, I said to myself, one beer, just one. Then something clicked inside my mind. I told myself don't give up! I drank two big glasses of water instead.

It's that easy to fall down.

But I didn't.

Because we were with our friends, I didn't say anything to my husband at the time, but once we got home, I told him don't offer me any alcohol.  My husband's thinks I am okay to drink once in a while. He thinks I've improved with how I used to drink in the past.  And I have, to a degree in these last couple years, but there were still times when I over did it.  He knows this, but he keeps wishing I could control how I drink. I wished this for a long time myself.

But my wish never came true.

That's why I have to hold steady; I have to let go of wishing for what can't be.

It's hard.