Buddies Do Help!

I have two blog buddies I communicate with off our blog sites (and on to them too at times).

Habit and I started helping each other back in April.  Jim and I, only recently, although we did initially touch base two years ago.  Today I was sharing with Habit, and I decided a portion of what I wrote her, I would share here.  It's something I want to remember.

Who knows when, how, why, and if we will ever truly stop 100% drinking alcohol.  I know I want too, but I don't know why I haven't made it stick.  I refuse to accept I am weak, bad, stupid, or insane.  I am not perfect.   As long as I move towards being better and better, in any number of things I'm dealing with, then it's progress.  I am okay and good enough.  And I have to hold on to that knowledge.  Many can, will, do judge what I'm expressing here, and that's okay too.  I have to do me.

You do you!  

I'm on a dry streak, since Sunday, 9/8 so today makes it day 12, 11 days down.  I haven't had much urges.  I think it's because I am motivated by Jim.  No idea how long this will last, but so far, not much thinking on when I will drink next.  This isn't to say, I won't fall and that this time, I know I will never drink again!  Not sure if this is good or not good to think this way.  I've done so many times, where I've said, written, believed, "this is it."  For it not to be so.  What I know, right now, and for today, at least, is I won't drink alcohol.  As Scarlett O'Hara so famously said, "I can't think about that now.  If I do, I'll go crazy.  I'll think about that tomorrow."

Not bad advice from Scarlett.

One Thought

No one should be discouraged […] who can make constant progress, even though it be slow.” – Plato

Enough said.

Not Fair

Today a very dear friend of mine called.  I've known her for just over twenty years; met while working together at our previous company.  Eight years ago, she move from California to Kentucky.  She wanted to get away from the rat race, live on a farm and enjoy life at a slower pace.  We've stayed in touch because we share a special bond of friendship.  We were never meant to be friends.  If it hadn't been for working at the same place, we would never have gotten to known each other like we do.

She is quiet, shy, a bit introverted, and very Christian.  Her faith is very strong, and she follows her faith strongly.  I'm loud, boisterous, extroverted and not very religious at all.  Regardless of our differences, we came to understand and respect each's uniqueness's. We also share the same birthday.

As usual with our phone calls, she lets me do all the talking and sharing, listening attentively.  When I finally stopped talking, I asked how she was doing, and she shared what she had been doing for the past month or so.  Then she said she had something very importnat to say to me, she had a catch in her voice, "please stop drinking."  She knows I struggle with drinking, she knows I've tried to stop, and she's never judge me for all the stops and starts.  Then she went on to share her son has, recently, been diagnosed with a rare and agressive form of liver cancer (cholangiocarcinoma).  He's not a drinker, never has been.  The outlook isn't good; the doctors have recommended starting palliative chemotherapy soon, but even with chemo they expect he'll have 6-18 months at best.  Of course, the hope is he'll have a miraculous recovery, but the odds are he won't.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  He's only 37.  Then she went on to say how hard it is to see someone go through the agony of having liver cancer.  She loves me and doesn't want something like this to happen to me.  So please just stop drinking, so it won't.

Saturday was the last time I drank.  I decided I was going to give "not drinking" another go.  Just before my friend called, I had thought, "I haven't drank for four days, why don't I just have a couple beers with dinner tonight."  Of course, I also told myself, "but you said you were not going to drink".

And then the phone call.  WOW!

I told my friend what I had just been thinking before she called.  God works wonders she said.

I have no desire to drink.  How could I?  A very young man is going through something very difficult at no fault of his own.  And his very wonderful mom is hurting.  And she thought of me during this time.