As of today, I have one hundred and sixty five days alcohol free this year! I started this blog last year to stop drinking 100%. I haven't managed that, yet. What I have managed to do is move in the right direction and I'm proud of myself for doing so. The few times this year when I got drunk (not every time I drank this year did I get drunk, I actually had times where it was one drink, two) I hated myself and felt such shame and guilt. It wasn't worth it, but like a stubborn child, I wanted my "candy".
The times I over did it, were always at home, when I felt I deserved time to let go. Thinking like that always led to too much. Always. What were the triggers? Doesn't matter. What matters is I know what's to follow when I drink, especially when I am at home. What matters is to not drink.
It's getting better. I'm feeling better.
For those of you who want to know the math, as of today there have been 180 days this year, so I've drank 15 times, five of which were over-the-top too much. Live and Learn.
Too all my American bloggers, Happy Fourth of July! Let Freedom Ring!!
Saturday, June 30, 2018
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
150
I've made 150 (actually 151) alcohol free days this year. The goal was to be 100%. It didn't happen, but that's okay. I'm making great progress and that's all I'm focusing on for the moment. It's getting easier, I don't think about drinking all the time. I don't fight cravings everyday. I don't feel sorry for myself, that I don't drink (much).
I'm moving forward and that's all that matters to me.
I'm moving forward and that's all that matters to me.
Saturday, June 9, 2018
Weekends are still Triggers
I'm doing well. I haven't drank, nor do I really want to, but...
Weekends are hardest to let go of the "fantasy of drinking for fun." I always drank on the weekends, but summer weekends where the best. Longer days, more time to go out and about, stop at favorite watering holes, hanging out with friends, the memories are good. But I have to remember, they are only, that, memories.
The last few years of drinking were not about drinking only on the weekends. I drank at home, with my husband, but I would drink more than him, always. It got to the point where I drank until I passed out. I never wanted to go out on weekend nights. I only wanted to get my fix of alcohol, sit in front of the T.V. and drink the night away. My husband didn't like this, but he couldn't do anything about it. It was the way it was, selfish of me I know.
Now, we do more activities outside the home on weekends. I don't mind staying out late, doing whatever we choose to do that day. It's a change for the better.
It's just a passing urge, to think I could go back to drinking a cold beer on a nice sunny day. It's not hard today, to say no to a beer. For that I am grateful.
Weekends are hardest to let go of the "fantasy of drinking for fun." I always drank on the weekends, but summer weekends where the best. Longer days, more time to go out and about, stop at favorite watering holes, hanging out with friends, the memories are good. But I have to remember, they are only, that, memories.
The last few years of drinking were not about drinking only on the weekends. I drank at home, with my husband, but I would drink more than him, always. It got to the point where I drank until I passed out. I never wanted to go out on weekend nights. I only wanted to get my fix of alcohol, sit in front of the T.V. and drink the night away. My husband didn't like this, but he couldn't do anything about it. It was the way it was, selfish of me I know.
Now, we do more activities outside the home on weekends. I don't mind staying out late, doing whatever we choose to do that day. It's a change for the better.
It's just a passing urge, to think I could go back to drinking a cold beer on a nice sunny day. It's not hard today, to say no to a beer. For that I am grateful.
Tuesday, June 5, 2018
Reflections on One Year of Blogging
One year ago I started this blog. In a way, it seems so long ago. I started this blog for all the same/similar reasons most of us do, to stop drinking. To stop the madness and despair drinking had come to be in my life. In the past year, I've written my story of how I got here, what my behavior had been during the downhill slide to drinking too much, relationships with some of my closes family members regarding my drinking, etc., and my struggles to stay sober. Reading back over the year, I can say I've grown. I have not gone alcohol free in the past year, but since the start of 2018, I've done really well. Only drank 11 days, for which I'm not proud, nor to I condone to be the right thing to have done, but it's a damn good stretch for me! I have a ways to go, to keep pushing myself in the right direction, to never want to drink again. I am getting there.
The second half of the year, can I do it, can I hold strong and not slip up, can I? The answer should be YES, the answer can be YES, but will I do it? I feel stronger. I've stepped up using more sober tools to help me (current one is holding on to DoneWithMyWineHabit's virtual hand). But the most important shift has been my mindset. I've slipped, but I've gotten up and brushed myself off and realized what the secret is to win over this battle of mine.
"The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old but on building the new." - Socrates
It's been hard, it's been a challenge, it's not been easy, but here's to my continued construction of life without alcohol!
For all of you out there, hang on, keep trying, never give up; life is better sober. Don't beat yourself up if you don't quit on your first try, love the fact you want to quit. Focus on the new!
The second half of the year, can I do it, can I hold strong and not slip up, can I? The answer should be YES, the answer can be YES, but will I do it? I feel stronger. I've stepped up using more sober tools to help me (current one is holding on to DoneWithMyWineHabit's virtual hand). But the most important shift has been my mindset. I've slipped, but I've gotten up and brushed myself off and realized what the secret is to win over this battle of mine.
"The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old but on building the new." - Socrates
It's been hard, it's been a challenge, it's not been easy, but here's to my continued construction of life without alcohol!
For all of you out there, hang on, keep trying, never give up; life is better sober. Don't beat yourself up if you don't quit on your first try, love the fact you want to quit. Focus on the new!
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