I did it!
I passed my longest stretch of 68 days since starting this climb.
Thanks to all those who said I could do this and cheered me on! I have a ways to go before...well, let's just say the upward climb is still a challenge, but where I'm at, it looks good to look back to where I started.
Monday, March 12, 2018
Sunday, March 11, 2018
Suffering
"We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is the pain of discipline weighs ounces while the pain of regret weighs tons." -- Jim Rohn
When I came across this quote, it hit me like a ton of bricks. For the moment, while I'm in my baby steps of getting sober once and for all, I am suffering. But for a worthwhile cause, for a goal so important, it's worth the pain, agony, tears and sweat. The reality is the suffering is something I CAN go through BECAUSE the "pain of regret" is too much to bear.
I'm tired of all the regrets associated with drinking alcohol to the extreme. If I must suffer for awhile, to get to the other side of this path I'm on, it's worth every ounce to get there! I don't want tons of regret in my life.
And as so many have shared, the beauty on the other side is worth it all.
When I came across this quote, it hit me like a ton of bricks. For the moment, while I'm in my baby steps of getting sober once and for all, I am suffering. But for a worthwhile cause, for a goal so important, it's worth the pain, agony, tears and sweat. The reality is the suffering is something I CAN go through BECAUSE the "pain of regret" is too much to bear.
I'm tired of all the regrets associated with drinking alcohol to the extreme. If I must suffer for awhile, to get to the other side of this path I'm on, it's worth every ounce to get there! I don't want tons of regret in my life.
And as so many have shared, the beauty on the other side is worth it all.
Saturday, March 10, 2018
Sometimes I Feel Like a Fraud
It's Saturday early afternoon, on a cold and wet day in Southern California. We need the rain. It doesn't rain here enough, so any rain we get is a blessing.
I woke up very early, went out for breakfast with my husband and came home to clean house as he left for a dental appointment. When he got back at 11 a.m., we went for our weekend run, which includes grocery shopping, odd and end stops, and gassing up the vehicle. Given the weather, we've decided to stay in this evening and enjoy our fireplace.
The fire is going, my husband is watching golf drinking beer. I'm drinking a Beck's alcohol free beer, it taste good, but it's not really satisfying. I want a glass of wine. So I thought, let me go on the computer and check my blog, as comments really help me get through these wavering moments. When I reply back, I feel positive. I like sharing my feelings about all this, but a part of me feels like a big fat fraud.
Why? I don't believe I'll make it. The longer I go without alcohol, the more I think I can control it. Really, it's more I "want" to think I can control it. How screwed up is that? One of the factors behind this thought process, is after my last 68 day run, which ended mid-August, I did decently with moderating my drinking for the rest of the year. However, there where five times where I drank to the point of no return, two times blacking out. Just writing this makes me cringe. They weren't all at the end, meaning in December, but the last two times were at Christmas parties. And of course, each time, I hated myself for tripping up. Given what I just wrote, how could I even think to drink again?? But I can, and that scares me most of all.
From all I've read on various blogs, 100 days marks a point where my mind should not think so much about failing. I'm determine to get there. Maybe when I hit 70 days, I'll feel less of a fraud. I hope so.
I woke up very early, went out for breakfast with my husband and came home to clean house as he left for a dental appointment. When he got back at 11 a.m., we went for our weekend run, which includes grocery shopping, odd and end stops, and gassing up the vehicle. Given the weather, we've decided to stay in this evening and enjoy our fireplace.
The fire is going, my husband is watching golf drinking beer. I'm drinking a Beck's alcohol free beer, it taste good, but it's not really satisfying. I want a glass of wine. So I thought, let me go on the computer and check my blog, as comments really help me get through these wavering moments. When I reply back, I feel positive. I like sharing my feelings about all this, but a part of me feels like a big fat fraud.
Why? I don't believe I'll make it. The longer I go without alcohol, the more I think I can control it. Really, it's more I "want" to think I can control it. How screwed up is that? One of the factors behind this thought process, is after my last 68 day run, which ended mid-August, I did decently with moderating my drinking for the rest of the year. However, there where five times where I drank to the point of no return, two times blacking out. Just writing this makes me cringe. They weren't all at the end, meaning in December, but the last two times were at Christmas parties. And of course, each time, I hated myself for tripping up. Given what I just wrote, how could I even think to drink again?? But I can, and that scares me most of all.
From all I've read on various blogs, 100 days marks a point where my mind should not think so much about failing. I'm determine to get there. Maybe when I hit 70 days, I'll feel less of a fraud. I hope so.
Friday, March 9, 2018
12,775!
I just left a comment over at http://mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/ Mummy was a Secret Drinker's blog. Great advice for people who are on their second month of giving up the booze. She writes about making an inspirational vision board. Go read what she has to say, it's interesting. And so I'm going to give it a whirl. One of the things I plan to put on it is the numbers 100, 1000 and 12,775.
Wouldn't that be fantastic to make it straight through to 12,775 days without drinking! Maybe I should actually put 16,425 instead. 100 years old sounds possible these days, right?
Happy Friday Everyone!
Wouldn't that be fantastic to make it straight through to 12,775 days without drinking! Maybe I should actually put 16,425 instead. 100 years old sounds possible these days, right?
Happy Friday Everyone!
Thursday, March 8, 2018
65
I've made it to 65 days with no alcohol, again, been here before.
As I've written here many times before, I'm looking forward to 70 days, as that will be my new all time record of consecutive days not drinking!
The past few days have been pretty good ones in terms of not fixating on drinking. Actually, I've gotten to a place where drinking during the week isn't something I miss too much. It's the weekends which are still a challenge to get through, but I'm staying focused.
Wine Bitch wrote a blog on the 7 triggers for wanting to drink. The main trigger for me, at this point, is boredom. There's no reason to be bored, as I love to read; I like making little crafts; I enjoy talking with people; I like to go out and about, thrift shop, etc. And yet, I find myself thinking I'm bored and a alcohol head change would be enjoyable. Honestly to a point it would be, for me.
BUT, it never stays on a enjoyable, healthy level. It hasn't in a long, long time. Sure, occasionally it did, but I always manage to cross the point eventually. Then, it just went down hill from there. This is what I keep reminding myself, over and over and over and over....
Anyway, I'm okay, because I'm not drinking.
Today, I need to go do something new and exciting, so I decided to get a bikini wax at the local cosmetology school. Fifty-five years old isn't too old to start! LOL!
As I've written here many times before, I'm looking forward to 70 days, as that will be my new all time record of consecutive days not drinking!
The past few days have been pretty good ones in terms of not fixating on drinking. Actually, I've gotten to a place where drinking during the week isn't something I miss too much. It's the weekends which are still a challenge to get through, but I'm staying focused.
Wine Bitch wrote a blog on the 7 triggers for wanting to drink. The main trigger for me, at this point, is boredom. There's no reason to be bored, as I love to read; I like making little crafts; I enjoy talking with people; I like to go out and about, thrift shop, etc. And yet, I find myself thinking I'm bored and a alcohol head change would be enjoyable. Honestly to a point it would be, for me.
BUT, it never stays on a enjoyable, healthy level. It hasn't in a long, long time. Sure, occasionally it did, but I always manage to cross the point eventually. Then, it just went down hill from there. This is what I keep reminding myself, over and over and over and over....
Anyway, I'm okay, because I'm not drinking.
Today, I need to go do something new and exciting, so I decided to get a bikini wax at the local cosmetology school. Fifty-five years old isn't too old to start! LOL!
Tuesday, March 6, 2018
Temptation
"The temptation to quit will be greatest, just before you are about to succeed."
I don't know the author of this quote.
It's a very good one.
It's something I'm holding onto right now.
Friday, March 2, 2018
60
Sixty days no alcohol!
Been here before, so I'm still a little shaky on the long term goal, which is to not drink alcohol every again. However, I'm not focusing on "forever" right now. My next mini goal is to get to 70 days, as 68 days was my longest stretch not drinking since "who knows when"...anyway, I feel confident I'll get there.
Two months down, March upon us, and I want to focus on other things. I've really have laid very low with life. Not much visiting, going out and about, or keeping my house in order, but that's okay. I needed to focus on just not drinking. Now it's time to motivate myself to move forward into new territories; do something new or different everyday. Whether walk a different path on my lunch time break, eat somewhere new, paint my husbands toes, whatever it may be, I want to live a exciting life now that I'm a little better.
Motivational March it is!!!
Been here before, so I'm still a little shaky on the long term goal, which is to not drink alcohol every again. However, I'm not focusing on "forever" right now. My next mini goal is to get to 70 days, as 68 days was my longest stretch not drinking since "who knows when"...anyway, I feel confident I'll get there.
Two months down, March upon us, and I want to focus on other things. I've really have laid very low with life. Not much visiting, going out and about, or keeping my house in order, but that's okay. I needed to focus on just not drinking. Now it's time to motivate myself to move forward into new territories; do something new or different everyday. Whether walk a different path on my lunch time break, eat somewhere new, paint my husbands toes, whatever it may be, I want to live a exciting life now that I'm a little better.
Motivational March it is!!!
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