Yesterday was a very trying day for me. My husband wanted to go out for lunch at one of our favorite places by the beach. The evening before, I went to a bachelorette party, where there was lots of wine, but I didn't drink. I even ended up having a very good time, dancing the night away! So I thought, well, I can handle having a club soda, while my husband has his couple beers, no problem. Wrong. I was melancholy, seeing everyone at the brewery, having drinks, talking, laughing away, and I was sitting there wanting a beer so badly. I don't get it? The night before, I had no problems with everyone drinking around me, so why now? My husband said, "If you're going to be like this, just have a couple glasses of wine! Life is too short, live a little!" I couldn't believe it! He knows I have a problem, but since I've managed to curb my outlandish behavior when drinking for the past year or so, he thinks I not that bad anymore.
He doesn't get it. While I've managed more times in the last year to drink responsibly, there were still many times where I did not. I've wished I could moderate at all times, but I cannot. I know this, and he knows this too. When he told me to have a glass of wine, I almost craved in, but instead, I welled up with tears and told him, "This is very hard for me. I don't want to be here." So he said, "let's go into the other section, get away from the bar and have lunch." Him saying that, realizing my agony, gave me a burst of strength. I decided I could stay there, eat my lunch and be okay. And I did.
We came home and the rest of the day was fine. I was okay. I did not drink.
I got up very early this morning (the best perk of not drinking), cleaned out the refrigerador, finished two loads of laundry and played a few rounds of Candy Crush. Very productive morning. However, a surprised happened to me, I started my period! I've been going through the change and my last period had been a few months back. It may explain why I was so sad yesterday, but I think this is a sign. A good sign. I'm saying goodbye to my old self. I'm moving into a better place. I am.
No one said it was going to be easy, but nothing ever is that's worth it...right?
p.s. 28 years ago, my beautiful daughter was born; Happy Birthday to my mija!
Happy Birthday to your daughter!
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you for not drinking!
I am so proud of you for telling your husband what you were thinking and feeling.
If we hold those thoughts inside, we can't get the support we need.
Sober mornings are the best!
xo
Wendy
Sober mornings are the best! Thank you for your support. It means a lot to me Wendy!
ReplyDeleteThat is really interesting what you said about your period. I missed one last month and have been teary and a bit down the past 7 days - hence the "finding pleasure in plate on the walls". I have mind now and realise that this hormonal thing is really so hard on us women. It affects our moods, state of mental health and completely rocks our confidence levels unbelievably.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I have realised that drinking was not the cure and that I am now so much more aware of my mental health
xx
M
So true, this past year has been hard enough trying to give up alcohol, on top of hormonal changes due to menopause. I'm almost 55, I can't wait for the transition to be completed. I know my moods swing at times, but with alcohol, they really ran wild. I'm glad I'm not drinking now, so glad.
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