Temptation

"The temptation to quit will be greatest, just before you are about to succeed."

I don't know the author of this quote. 
It's a very good one.
It's something I'm holding onto right now.

60

Sixty days no alcohol!

Been here before, so I'm still a little shaky on the long term goal, which is to not drink alcohol every again.  However, I'm not focusing on "forever" right now.  My next mini goal is to get to 70 days, as 68 days was my longest stretch not drinking since "who knows when"...anyway, I feel confident I'll get there.

Two months down, March upon us, and I want to focus on other things.  I've really have laid very low with life.  Not much visiting, going out and about, or keeping my house in order, but that's okay.  I needed to focus on just not drinking.  Now it's time to motivate myself to move forward into new territories; do something new or different everyday.  Whether walk a different path on my lunch time break, eat somewhere new, paint my husbands toes, whatever it may be, I want to live a exciting life now that I'm a little better.

Motivational March it is!!!

Connection

I've been having a couple weeks now, where it's been harder than usual to not give up.  I know being alcohol free is the right thing for me.  I know it.  But, it doesn't stop the cravings and desires from working their way into my brain.  I've been using the various "tools" I've learned to work through these times.  One of the tools I use, is listening to Ted Talks about addiction, etc. 

Johann Hari, spoke on addition, with the tag line, "Everything you think you (almost) know about addiction is wrong."  The talk was very good, he went into various studies he's read and interviews he's done to come to the conclusion, "the opposite of addiction isn't sobriety, it's connection."   This really hit home for me, as a group of you lovely women, out there, have came to my rescue.  The connection you've made with me, on this blog, to support me, cheer me on and let me know I'm okay is working it's magic.  I know it's why this sober blogging helps so much, because everyone CARES.  Even when one trips up, the general attitude is to welcome them back, to tell them to keep trying no matter how many times one falls.  The goal is to help each other get better.  Addiction isn't the person, the person is So Much More than their addiction.  I'm so much more than the lady who has drank too much, too many times, for too long. 

Time to spread the love.

What Can I Say...

Thank you ladies, for commenting with your support to keep strong, keep going, and don't give up!  This time around, it means more to me than ever to have the input. 

Freedom February hasn't been as easy as Dry January.  From all I've read, it's makes sense why, novelty is gone, my mind says since I've gone so long without, I don't have a problem, etc.  I can't let those thoughts get in my way.  I want to be free from alcohol, once and for all.  I want a better me.  I need to do the hard work now, for that better me to come about, and I'm doing all I can to see this through. 

Even if I scream, cry, shout and yell along the way, I say, "YES" I can do this!!! 

I know there will be days like this...

It's Friday night, 5pm.  Today was a very productive day.  My daughter video called me from Germany and we had a great talk.  She just got a cute little wiener dog, a female she named Stevie.  I also had a great talk with my mom today as well.  My husband came home in a great mood.  All is well, except I want to drink tonight.  Just a few glasses of wine.  I just do.  I wish I didn't feel this way, but I do.  I know it's not good for me, and yet...it's hard tonight and I don't know why.

I know it's the addiction calling (the wine witch) and it's taking all I can do at the moment not to give in.  I want to be better.

Update, 6:31pm, the cravings have subsided.  I ate half of a thin crust pepperoni pizza.  Also had one piece of caramel chocolate and will make a cup of hot chocolate in a bit.  I'm going to take a hot shower and get in my pj's and read.  I didn't realize how hungry I was, and my old behavior would be to drink on an empty stomach, so the alcohol could get in my blood stream faster.  To hell with the calories right now!  I didn't drink. 

50

50 days without any alcohol.  I've been here before, I know it's not even close to being safe, yet.  My longest stretch not drinking, since starting this blog last June, was 68 days.  My new goal is to get to 70.

I can and will beat my 68 day run.  I can't give up now.

 

I did it!!

I did not drink on my trip!  There were a few moments, a few tempting situations, in which I fought with my inner-self about having a drink, but I held strong.  My step-daughter and husband were supportive and did not drink much at all.  Even my husband, who loves to have a few drinks when we are out and about sight seeing, kept it to a couple beers.  Except for those few moments, I didn't agonize through the trip about drinking.  I'm hopeful.  I know I can stay sober for the rest of the month.  Freedom February is almost over.

I'll worry about next month, next month.