Why?

In my previous post, I wrote about smoking marijuana.  In a couple comments, I was asked why I wanted to "zone out"?  I used that phrase when I referred to the state of mind I was in after smoking the pot.  The question was a valid one.  So why did I do it?  I'm suppose to be sober.

Definition of Sober (from the Merriam Webster dictionary)

1. a: sparing in the use of food and drink
    b: not addicted to intoxicating drink
    c: not drunk
2. marked by sedate or gravely or earnestly thoughtful character of demeanor
3. unhurried, calm
4. marked by temperance, moderation, or seriousness
5. subdued in tone or color
6. showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice

As such, the main reason I smoked the pot was for the simple pleasure of it.  I was hoping to substitute the feelings I've felt when drinking the first two glasses of wine, beer and/or spirits.  That sweet spot, where everything is so calming and warm.  But it was no substitute at all.  The marijuana did alter my state of mind, and it did help, in the moment, to get over the obsessive self-talk to have a drink, but it did not mimic the feelings of a couple glasses of alcohol. Had it, I probably would have smoked all weekend.

The honest truth, I wish I could alter my state of mind, drink moderately to enjoy the first few drinks and stop.  Some people can do this, but I cannot.  Too much alcohol is a poison, I know this.  In addition to being a poison when used in excess (I do/did) it causes behavioral problems on so many levels (I know this first hand).  Given all of this, it is not remotely worth the negative consequences.

But back to the pot.  It once was my thing, it's not anymore.  And it's not the same as alcohol.  To those who enjoy their weed, well, it seems to be less harmful than alcohol and I'm no one to judge on this front.

So back to basics, one day at a time.