SamKD left the comment, "Build that sober muscle" in her reply to my last post. Well, last night, I really worked hard on that muscle, as I SO WANTED TO DRINK! I got home to a quiet house. My husband works evenings now (supposedly a temporary assignment, but it's been a few months now) and with my last daughter moving out last November, it's just me in the evenings. I've managed the evenings just fine since I've began my sober road again, well, Friday nights are still a bit of a wobble, but manageable, but for some reason last night was BAD! My self-talk (okay the wine witch) kept saying "just drink a couple glasses", no biggie. I was leaning so far over-the-edge, I wanted to scream. It took more than a couple hours to fight the urges, but I did. With that being said, I'm hoping my sober muscle grew a little more in bulk, because I'm sure going to need it, again and again and again.
One day, the sober muscle will be so strong, it will be a piece of cake to not drink. For now, I just have to keep working it out.
Thanks Sam for posting that comment, it kept me strong for another day!
Oh I know these nights, they get you when you least expect it. I am so happy for you that you didn't drink, and I know how hard it is to sit with that feeling for hours, it is a huge achievement getting through it. I think you definitely would have built some sober muscles! You deserve a sober treat now.
ReplyDeleteI know this will happen from time to time, and all I can do is muscle through it! I don't want to give up. I have been treating myself to sweets, too many actually. I need to switch my treats to something else, maybe a new pair of shoes when I hit 50 days!
DeleteOh I’m happy you bench-pressed the urge away! I remember nights like that. I used to think of Caroline Knapp’s line “...and you think it will never pass but it always does.” I also think in the early days all the sweets you want are fine. Nobody ever woke up at three in the morning dripping sweat with a throbbing head and racing heart from too much cake...and when drying out That Voice I couldn’t do anything -else- that even hinted of deprivation for a good couple-few months.
ReplyDeleteStrong work!
Thanks Sam! I agree about the sweets, it's the short term replacement for the drink, and I'm hoping it will pass with time. However, my skin is breaking out from the sugar, which is making me think twice about grabbing that piece of cake!
ReplyDeleteI like that quote from Knapp's book, I'll need to add it to my sober hand written journal. I have all kinds of quotes and pictures about keeping sober in it! I carry it around with me, it helps to open it up and read something quick and to the point. Thanks for stopping by!